Melissa Trevathan on Counseling Children Through Trauma
Melissa Trevathan, founder of Daystar Counseling Ministries, reflects on 40 years of bringing hope to children and families in Middle Tennessee. Daystar, founded in 1985, offers counseling, group therapy, and a summer camp in a welcoming environment. Melissa shares insights on rising childhood anxiety, the importance of relationships, and how faith and service drive lasting impact.
About Melissa Trevathan
Melissa is the founder and senior director of Daystar Counseling Ministries, a haven for children and families seeking hope and healing. Since opening its doors in 1985, Daystar has been a “little yellow house that helps people,” a vision Melissa dreamed of long before counseling became a mainstream resource. With a background in youth ministry and teaching and a counseling degree from Southern Baptist Seminary, Melissa has dedicated her life to creating a safe space where kids can talk, heal, and grow.
Melissa’s impact extends beyond Daystar. Each summer, she welcomes children to her lake house, affectionately called "Hopetown," for weeklong programs that nurture their sense of identity and faith. A Bible study teacher, speaker, and co-author of six books, including Raising Girls and Intentional Parenting, Melissa shares her wisdom and experience with parents and caregivers across the country.
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Spencer 00:35
Melissa Trevathan, founder of Daystar counseling, ministries. Welcome to signature required.
Melissa Trevathan 00:50
I love being here. And you said my name just perfect.
Spencer 00:55
Lots of people, don't. You are a rock star in your own right. I don't know if you know this, but you are an incredibly big win for us to have here on signature required. Carli has been,
Carli 01:08
Vibrating. Yes, but literally vibrating. I was kind of dancing down the hallway, and Spencer just didn't look to me. She was like, What are you doing? Sorry, I'm just so excited today.
Melissa Trevathan 01:18
Oh, well, thank you I can't imagine, but thank you.
Spencer 01:22
For people that don't know you, they are in for a real treat in learning your story and how much you are impacting lives for decades and decades in Tennessee, and a lot more than that, you've written an author, I mean, so much stuff, so we're gonna unpack all of that today. But for those that have never heard of Daystar, tell us a little bit about what your mission has been over some 40 years.
Melissa Trevathan 01:49
We are approaching our 40th year. I've started Daystar in 85 and in my heart at that point was to have a safe place where kids could come and where they could talk about what was going on inside of them. And so Daystar is counseling. It's all about relationship. It's groups. And then in the summer, we have a camp called Hope town that we go to,
Carli 02:23
And you started, maybe it's folklore, but you can tell us a little bit you were working in a local private Christian school when you were really thinking through this dream. And the folklore says that you kind of took every resource you had and took the leap very entrepreneurially to create Daystar. What was that like?
Melissa Trevathan 02:44
You know, the good thing is, I was younger and little impulsive, and I could call it faith, but it goes both ways there, I think. But it was, it was so exciting. I had worked in Nashville in a church and in the school and so I had a lot of support, a lot of folks that were really encouraging me to go forth with Daystar for this counseling.
Spencer 03:11
You're also an author. So tell us about some of what you have written, because I think these things go very hand in hand.
Melissa Trevathan 03:19
I am an author. Thank goodness for sissy Goff and David Thomas. They make me sound a lot better than I am, but I'm the kind of Sissy and I will laugh sometimes where it takes me so long to sit down and start to write, I have to have chocolate, the right outfit, the right chair, and
Carli 03:37
Probably a puppy in your lap.
Melissa Trevathan 03:39
Exactly, yes, and so, but I have that has been a great discipline for me, and right now I'm doing some writing just for our hope town kids weekly newsletter and so that has been interesting, too.
Spencer 03:53
It's amazing to see our culture today where mental health is the number one issue on the minds of our nation, on Tennesseans. We have some stats, just one that I think is really worth reading. 83% of Tennesseans think that it's harder to be a parent now than it was 20 years ago. And 81% of Tennesseans are extremely concerned about the increased rates in depression and suicide amongst teens. So for you to be in a place that you are speaking to the heart of the concern that people have, how do you feel in that responsibility? Because it's enormous what you're speaking truth into people's moments of greatest desperation.
Melissa Trevathan 04:47
Well for me, how it feels is I have such a gratefulness for a staff who are so well trained and love kids and I. I, I see the interactions that they have each day when they're getting ready to go into their offices and and I, again, I'm just so thankful and and have just surrounded myself with those who I feel like God is using so powerfully in the lives of kids, and we work as a team also there and really encourage each other.
Spencer 05:26
And if you just give us maybe a couple stats about the size of your staff or the number of people that you see on an annual basis, just something to help everybody get a scope for Daystar.
Melissa Trevathan 05:36
When you said the word stats, I got a little nervous. I think I've probably always been that way. I can't blame that one on age. We have about 28 on our staff right now, 28 folks, and 18 of those are counselors, and then we have our office staff and group leaders and but, but it's full size. We're spilling over right now. In fact, I've been roaming the halls because someone needs to use my office most of the time.
Carli 06:12
Now, you're spill you're saying you're spilling out. There's you're trying to hire more counselors. I know you guys are in the middle of a renovation. You're growing your big yellow house. Why do you think the growth is so instrumental it? Is it part? Probably because you guys are phenomenal at what you do. But is it in part to some of these stats that Spence just quoted about the need in the area?
Melissa Trevathan 06:36
I think it's definitely the need that that is here, that the anxiety levels among the kids has so increased. And, as you said, the depression and and I think that, I think that's huge, but it's it seems like it's always been that. And I think with the the covenant shooting, that that has also really increased our load there, and so we have hired new staff and last year, and so we just don't have a place for them sometimes, but everyone's very flexible With that, but I do feel like counseling groups, kids are ready and willing and so responsive. It is amazing how much they do really respond to to the times that are there and to the folks that are there.
Carli 07:36
Tell me, I know, and we could share a personal story with this too, but I know how involved you guys were after the covenant shooting, working with the families, and you were even there to help with reunification between the covenant kids and their parents that very day. Yes, what was that like to lead your staff through that.
Melissa Trevathan 08:02
well again, I will say that it's it was like when I look back on that day, it was Like everyone rose to do, to to care, to love, to give in the way they were created. It was like, again, I don't mean to brag at all on our staff, but at this, but I do, but at the same time, what I really felt like is, is watching this one step into watching sissy Goff step in and and be called at the last minute to stand before all the parents at Woodmont church and to speak, to give them words of comfort, encouragement and what to say, and and then walk downstairs with all the Kids and see Katie Plunkett there with her little puppy and and passing helping pass around food for the kids and and then other staff members. But it was like everyone moved into a place and and I think that we are so grateful to be a team and to not not only support each other, but to be able to go into those places. And so it was like a this is what we do, this is what we're created for. Let's go.
Spencer 09:35
That had to be a moment where you looked at your journey over almost 40 years, and said, Maybe we were created for such a time as this that had to be yes, a full circle. So when you roll back to the beginning, one of the things that Carly and I are so passionate about is entrepreneurship. And for you to get this idea, you. At the beginning. Where did that come from? That was counseling something that you had a passion for. Where did it originate, that this was something you wanted to do?
Melissa Trevathan 10:10
When I grew up, we didn't talk about the word counseling. Yeah, it was, you know, it was different. Then in the in the 60s, it made you look weak, right? If you want exactly, yeah, you had to have something really wrong, if you would. And there weren't many counselors and so. So it was very new. But for me, I began at 16 being a youth director and and that was because I felt like our kids, our youth group, needed to have some guidance, and there wasn't a youth director. So I went to the minister and said, We don't have a youth director. We need one. I'll just do it until you can find one. And he was maybe about my age right now, and I'm not sure he heard me well, but he hired me. And so I started off early, seeing this need, and I feel like God just sensing, just just me sensing God's direction. Where was this church? This church was in Murray, Kentucky, where I grew up. Yes, and I I continued as a youth director, working in churches and doing retreat ministries, and then I then being head of the spiritual side and a school. And so I had a taste of working with kids, but what I saw so much was that it was so hard for them to go beneath the surface, to even know, I don't know how I feel, how to put words to thoughts, feelings that they were having and and yet I knew there was so much more going on. And so it really opened it up for me.
Carli 12:01
And over 40 years of this work, Spence quoted some stats, and we are. We've all heard about the mental health crisis, yeah. What have you really seen as the major pivot points or shifts in the last 40 years? And I could think you might tell me, Carly, there's always been this much anxiety. It's just now we know how to talk about it. Or I could see you saying it's been X or Y or Z, but I'd love to hear from you, what have you seen shift over 40 years that's bringing it to such public awareness?
Melissa Trevathan 12:36
I would say that when I first started 40 years ago, my focus was with teenagers and and really thinking they were the ones that would be coming in that day, star would be focused on working with with these teens. And since then, we have really moved younger, much, much younger. And, you know, five years old and, and I think, and we have more kids coming in at a younger age now, and, and I think that I've seen, I've seen that shift, that the anxiety is starting much earlier, the awareness there of that my child has such fear or social anxiety, or whatever it may be, and so beginning early that that has certainly been a shift and and I think With Parents also, we have a lot of parent consults and where just the parents can come in and talk. And so I see that we spend a lot more time there with the parents and helping.
Spencer 13:52
When you put your entrepreneurial hat on and you look at where you're at today, you've got a business that's overflowing. You have outgrown your space, as you already talked about, you're giving up your office. You are hiring staff. I think the wait list for people to be able to get in to see someone at Daystar is meaningful, and if people thought that they could get in, there'd probably be another wait list beyond that. So when you examine your calling that you have served over 40 years, how do you weigh whether you are to expand, whether you're to replicate this in other parts of the state? How do you think through that responsibility.
Melissa Trevathan 14:42
Have you been listening to some of our conversations, our board meetings, and all those, those are ongoing conversations as they should be, and I think we are constantly looking at how we can give I when I. First started Daystar. I went to two or three people that I really respected here in Nashville, and one of them said, Melissa, ask yourself a couple of questions. One, is anyone else doing it? And could they? Could they do it? And so I ask a lot, what's what in our community is being done that we don't need to duplicate, that it's it's already being done to, and they're doing it well, and so and and also just looking at the needs that are here, and so I am so excited always about the flexibility that we have as an organization, as a ministry, that our board allows us to have to say, hey, we're doing we're offering soup nights so parents can come, and kids can come and worship together, or we're going to hold off on soup nights for a while, because it doesn't seem to be a need. So we have a flexibility in our community to look at what do we need to be doing that maybe no one else is doing right now.
Spencer 16:16
Maybe you can speak to that a little more, because in the business lens that I have, I look at the ultimate product that you offer, and counseling and meeting with families, and some businesses have products that they have patents on. There is real deep intellectual property where it's like there's no one else that knows how to do that so fascinatingly for you all. You all are working in a capacity that there's no patent that you have, there's no intellectual property, but you all clearly do it at a meaningfully superior level to what I see. And I think what Carly, we've had the chance to talk to a lot of people, you all do it much better. So why do you think are there barriers to why there isn't a day star in more locations across the state of Tennessee? I just wonder for the success that you've had, why we don't see more doing it like what you all have been able to do.
Melissa Trevathan 17:29
We are asked a lot, could you come start a day star in our town? Yeah. And, and would you do that? And I think we have always been open, and it's an exciting thing for me to even think about doing that. And yet, what we found is when we can invite someone, we say, Just come here, and we can spend a little time, and we can set up who on our staff could talk to what their needs are, get to know them, and and, and they see, they almost need to see how it's done. It is so simple that I think we miss it. And of course, the counseling and having trained, certified, licensed counselor so very important, but also just the groups, the relationship that's there. And can I tell you, like there are three things that have probably helped me in the very beginning on how Daystar would would fit, and answer your question there, because I can ramble. I know.
Spencer 18:41
No, this is great. The world needs these three things.
Melissa Trevathan 18:46
Well, again, I'm a very simple person, and and so these three words were ones that I can remember, soften shape, strengthen those three words that softening is so important when kids, when families come in, especially kids, though there's a protectiveness, naturally, I'm going to talk about something I don't most of the time. I've never seen anybody real excited about the first time to come in, but that they already are very protective and or they may be very hardened, or I'm in trouble, whatever it may be. So so we feel like that softening is very, very important, and softening just, excuse me, just simpler, just simple in that an atmosphere of Where's we're so glad to see you, and popcorn, the smells dogs. We have six therapy dogs now and and so it's, it's just ways, or just relationship. And so we feel like that's. Softening is very important. And then the second one to shape after the softening happens there, it's so much easier for them to come in and and the shape is the direct counseling. It may be them beginning to learn more about how God has created them, or what has happened, what happens in an office, and then the part that I always get so excited about is strengthening, and that's where, in the midst of it, we don't that they begin to experience that they have a purpose, that no matter what has gone on in their lives, how hard it is, how hard it may be. They can always give they can always have meaning in their life and to watch them in the midst of the hurt, the sadness, the anxiety, God can use me and then begin to experience. So those three things have been ones that I have gone back since the very, very beginning of Daystar,
Carli 21:05
One of the things I love about your model is that you have a sliding scale, yes. So some families that are able pay the full price for counseling, right, and some families that aren't, let's say you have a single mom with three children that could No way pay for all three of her kids to go weekly or bi weekly and get services. You guys make a way for that. Could you share a little bit about your model and how you've arrived at how you do that?
Melissa Trevathan 21:34
Yes, I would say, when I first started off, I really felt like I needed to pay people to come, and so I've come a long way, at least
Carli 21:45
Our first big thing we ever did, we did pay people good.
Melissa Trevathan 21:55
I think we have always, and I have always, and our board has supported this, that we, we don't ever want to turn anyone away for financial reasons, and that we look at each family that comes in, if they do have more than one child there, and how hard it may be, and so, so they're really treated person, you know, very personally and We want, and we have a scale, a sliding scale, that that they can adapt to. And I am so again, just so thankful that we're able to do that and we have support that enables us to be able to.
Spencer 22:40
Melissa, one thing that you mentioned earlier was a stigma that has existed in American culture to say that if you get counseling, you are weak, you are inferior in some way, that there's something to be ashamed of related to counseling. And in the continuation of that stigma, I just read a quick stat that in Tennessee, 23.2% of children aged three through 17 are diagnosed with a mental, emotional, developmental or behavioral condition, so almost one in 420 3.2% and a critic of that number might take that and say we are being too seeking and trying to assign a diagnosis to children and that instead, they need tough love, or they need, you know, to get up and brush themselves off and we've we don't need to be trying to diagnose one in four. So will you help speak with someone from a mindset of the wisdom that you have seen about the challenge of over diagnosing or seeking to make a diagnosis versus being with someone in a moment of need, because I think that could really help people start to break even further that stigma of counseling.
Melissa Trevathan 24:13
Yes, yes. Well, I think we always want to be aware of a diagnosis becoming a child's identity. That's so good and and that that is one of the main things that that we want to, want to say and just communicate, is we all. We all are messes. We all have that it's that it's very normal and developmentally it but that we have things that we're just going to have to deal with, things that happen to us and so but we want to be aware that that doesn't become as as the kids are developing their identity and who they are and. Being an individual, that that is not who they are, and so, so that is something that is very, very important.
Spencer 25:08
I think it's a great message, because culturally, there is a victimhood where, oh yeah, the labels. It's almost like the more labels that you collect, the more significant you are. And it could become an addiction in and of itself, of saying, Oh, well, I have this, and I have this and I have this, and it almost becomes the way in which people introduce themselves, yes, and so as you're working through parents that are really seeking answers for things that they're going through are children that are searching. How do you could you give us a little bit of that message of how you work with people to say, this isn't who you are? Is it a spiritual message that Daystar is able to give? Because I would love to get up there and say, you know you're you're a child of the Lord, and you've been created in His image. And yes, this is something that you are struggling with now, but this isn't who you are forever. I just would love to hear what you've seen.
Melissa Trevathan 26:10
I think one of the reasons that we have group is so that it doesn't counseling doesn't just become so me centered.
Carli 26:20
Will you back up for a second in full disclosure, we have had a kid that has been part of Daystar groups for years, so I could speak to this, but for people that aren't familiar with group, what is Daystar group?
Melissa Trevathan 26:32
Groups are something I feel like is so very, very important in the counseling realm, it is, it is very hard to keep groups going for a lot of organizations, and I have been, again, so grateful to have, we have about 2223 groups of Kids that, and then we have some parent ones, but for the kids, from the very beginning, they listen to each other, they connect with each other, and they also see, I'm not the only one and and they they also know that when they come into group, that they're there not only to talk about what's going on in their lives and what may be hard in their story, but also to listen, to learn how to ask questions and to encourage each other. So much of what you're talking about happens in group, in relationship and from the very beginning, we have just always felt that groups and that connectedness with the kids, with each other, is so very important.
Spencer 27:53
And how large is a group? How often does it generally meet? Just what are some of the parameters of group?
Melissa Trevathan 28:01
They will vary. Sometimes a group is just starting and it grows, but there will be six to eight kids in a group many times, and that if it starts to grow, we will bring in another counselor, and they usually eat together, and that's been from the very, very beginning again, because it's so great to have a structured time where they're in group, but also, you know, not so structured, of how they get in the van, how they order their food, how they when that when Things are not like therapy, or it's not so structured in a group, but they're given more and more freedom there, and so you see more things come out. And so I love that, and they love it. Just they love to laugh and have something to eat and talk and support each other, and so groups will change as the needs change, as what what's happening to each each child, but it really is so much about relationship, and in that relationship, not only to each other, but who did God create you to be, and how we can encourage that in each other.
Carli 29:22
I'd like to ask a personal question, based on our own experience. When you have a kid that maybe needs some of the resources that Daystar provides, there's this sense inside yourself, a feeling like, how did we get here? I felt like I did everything I knew how to do that was right. Or I remember one instance, literally being on my knees next to my nightstand, praying out to Lord. It was a particularly hard season for one of our kiddos, and just saying, like, Lord, I don't feel equipped for this. I. My kid didn't sign up for this. I didn't sign up for this. I Where are you? This is hard. And anyone that's been on a mental health journey as a parent realizes it's not there is no fix. It's not that I can send them to Daystar for a week or a year, and all of a sudden, this temperament, this struggle, disappears. It's in one of y'all books, it's they were liking it to whack a mole, you deal with one ball, and you hit that son of a gun down, and then another stupid mole pops up. Yeah. And so I would love for you to speak life, maybe in this moment, if there's a parent listening on this podcast that is on their knee saying, This is so much harder than I thought it was going to be. I thought I've done everything right, I've read the books, I've done the thing, and they're weary. What would you say to them?
Melissa Trevathan 30:55
I would say it is important to talk to other parents. And just as I feel like when they start started, we that kids encourage each other, that many times, I feel like parents are trying so hard that the last thing they want to do is tell someone else their struggle or the struggle their child is having. And so I think that's important to talk, to share, not to try to carry that load by yourself and and again, some of the same messages that we give to kids is your child is developing. Yes, that's how they see things at their age right now. But there is hope and and just to and there is that's the exciting thing of seeing how kids, how, how, how we all can change and that the heaviness that they feel right now is is truly, truly something that was struggled together, and that there is hope and there is change, and that it's walking through those times with your children and and being able to share that hope too.
Carli 32:26
Because what I hear you guys saying is, I think we work so hard to de stigmatize having a need for help and getting help for kids that I think as caregivers, sometimes we still feel like we're shouldering the stigma for our whole family. So we don't talk about it. We don't say, hey, my kid is having a hard time, but that's really hard for me too. So we carry the stigma for them almost as a badge of honor. And what I hear you saying is, let that go too. Yes. We can't do it without community.
Melissa Trevathan 32:59
Yes. And some kids will even say this is really harder on my mom than it is on me, and because they sense that, and and and so and I, I can't, you know, say enough about how parents are. Are just wanting, desiring, and they're loving and they're caring, but that control. You know, there's so many variables and so much happening in our world today that there will be battles, and it is hard, but not to carry it by yourself.
Spencer 33:38
Melissa, can you talk for a second about the amazing staff and counselors that you have and how you care for them, because clearly you have some amazing people that I kind of view it similarly to, like being a pediatric oncologist, right dealing With children with cancer. When you show up to work, it is heavy. It's so heavy, and you have stories that end well, but not every story ends well. And those are things that you get to your car, and you drive home, and it stays with you in the car. And so for a group of individuals that do hear a lot of the toughest stuff and stories that could make you lose faith in humanity. How do you keep your staff in a place where they have anything to give day in, day out?
Melissa Trevathan 34:39
Well, I will say that there was a time where I felt like I was the one doing that and encouraging and creating times where our staff would would feel such support. But again, now there are staff members who Re. Out and create things. It could be something like this summer, while I was away at camp that the a couple of staff members decided to have the Olympics. And so we have staff meetings every week, and so they had just, just had the biggest time. And we laugh a lot.
Spencer 35:19
Like an office Olympics.
Melissa Trevathan 35:23
It was so fun and but we try to keep that in mind. We, we do, we, we eat together. We once a week, we come together and and there is a just, there is laughter. Next week, we will be having a Thanksgiving that there are some dinner and some on our staff that are just preparing it all. And everyone will be so excited. And so there are times like that when it's encouragement there. And we also have small meetings where the girls staff will have will come together, and that's usually every other week, and be able to talk about things that they're carrying and get some help from some of our other supervisors and and also for the for the guys and, and I think that that is is so good. And we have we do Christmas together and, and we all, if we draw names, everybody wears their pajamas, and it's an all day thing where we and we have a wonderful meal. We change presence and, and then we go to a movie and, and it's, it's so again, so simple. But when those personalities all come together, the laughter that is there, which I think obviously is so very, very important, but the tears that are there, and I feel like there's a real acceptance there among the staff, and so that that is huge at our office.
Spencer 37:12
One other thing, Melissa, that having been in your office a handful of times, every time that I go in there, there is at least one furry friend that is running across throughout there, there's animals and an element that knowing you, that you are very humble, but you are incredibly wise to hear it in your voice. You are very savvy, and the things that happen inside of that yellow house are done with intentionality. And so can you talk for a minute about why you do have animals as part of counseling? Because it would be easy to say, oh, we can't have dogs barking. And, you know, some kids might be afraid of dogs, so we can't do that. And and I could easily see a very reasoned approach to having it be a very sterile and safe environment. So can you talk about your intentionality for why there's some furry friends that always bring a smile to my face that
Melissa Trevathan 38:07
I know you have been in our office and into some of our meetings there, I the staff accuses me of this, because many times I can love chaos and and love sometimes to bring up something that they they will say, you're trying to stir us up, aren't you?
Carli 38:28
And maybe my favorite sentence so far, they might think I love chaos. She says, It's so sweet, like surely not me.
Melissa Trevathan 38:41
Well, when I say I have an idea, they go, Oh no, what is it? What are we going to have to do?
Carli 38:46
That's how we feel when he starts talking.
Melissa Trevathan 38:50
I understand that. And so I think that having the dogs does present more out of control. This more chaos and and yet, it was sissy Goff who really began this in an early in the early years, when she was there and had her little dog, Noel and and I, I didn't have a dog at that point, and so she said, Can I bring her? And when I one day, when I walked by her office, and saw a little girl when she was about to leave, that she was sitting there and had been crying, and saw that little Noel in her lap, in the comfort that was there. I was like, okay, she can come. And then I got attached. And of course, I went the extreme and had older English sheep dogs, and so the staff has finally convinced me to go smaller, but, and I I'm the worst there of letting my dog run freely, but, but we do have it is supposed to be more controlled now that we have six dogs. Instead of one or two.
Spencer 40:02
So there's great science behind it.
Melissa Trevathan 40:05
I mean, it is, it is amazing. And ever since when, when Sissy and David talked to the covenant parents about how, how animals and just the therapy, yes, that they provide the safety, the comfort and and so we have seen more more and more dogs and families talk about you all didn't talk about training. And now what? So, yes, they make a difference. There is no doubt about it.
Carli 40:37
There's something about walking into Daystar that is unlike any other place, because and as we're sitting here, I'm realizing it kind of feels like walking into our living room. We've got four kids, two dogs, one of which who's in a cone right now, and he literally just is like head butting everyone else in the family with his giant cone. But you walk into Daystar, there's snacks, there's a giant doll house kids are playing. And over our tenure at Daystar, I've gotten to notice that parents used to kind of look down and be like, don't look at me. Yeah, don't know that I'm here. And that's just not the vibe at all. And so I wonder if it feeling like home, like a gathering. It almost feels like everyone's getting together for a party, but they're taking their kid to talk about really hard stuff. Perhaps that does set the groundwork for kids to be like, my house isn't perfect either. Yeah. How could I be comfortable coming to talk about my imperfect life in an environment that is in perfect order? So I think that it is strategic chaos.
Melissa Trevathan 41:38
You're right, you're right. And and I think, from again, the very beginning is that we felt like that kids, that family, set the tone for who Daystar is. And so I remember one year that a boy came in and didn't want to be there and was huffing and puffing about it. And there was another boy who has been, had been coming to Daystar and and he simply said, I really love coming here. And that's really all it took. And it was in. And I think that having that, and not everyone would say that I'm, don't want to make it sound like perfection there, but I do feel like that. There's a sense of acceptance, and hey, we're in this together and in that encouragement with each other that is not so sterile. And I have always felt like in our counseling and groups and whatever we're doing that, I wanted the kids to feel like whatever is happening in their lives, that or whatever is not happening if they're not in the midst of a deep crisis. That what they learn at Daystar, what they may experience that can be just as important as when they go to lunch at school and and where they sit, or if they don't have a seat, and so that it is practical in that way too. So very, very important.
Spencer 43:16
Melissa, I always love sitting with somebody that has dedicated a meaningful portion of their life to one thing, and you are an amazing picture of that, because you have impacted the lives, without exaggeration, of 10s of 1000s of People families that have been given hope when they probably wouldn't have gotten it from other places. And so when you think about your legacy that you have spent so much time, how would you charge Daystar and others that maybe have a similar aspiration to honor what you have given so much of your life towards. How can they best do that? If you would be able to look back on this 40 years from now and you saw a day star that looked like x or y or z, what would they be doing in order to best honor your legacy and what you've done for this community.
Melissa Trevathan 44:28
I think that, and by the way, I love your questions, and in this time that I I think that that there is a point in counseling and helping kids and being involved in painful, painful situations each day, that that each person has to believe they are called, that God has. Has, has said, I want you to give to kids. I've gifted you there. And, and I, I do feel like that is so very important and, and it doesn't look the same with anyone, but that they feel like this is bigger than a job, that this is something I'm called to love and to care and to offer whatever help I can give, and that it's just much bigger than us having a job. If it's a job, they don't last long.
Carli 45:41
I'd like to ask before we wrap up, too, if you had a magic wand and you had this megaphone that you could talk to every family in Tennessee, and you could tell them one thing they needed to know, whether it be about mental health and youth, about them and their mental health, or about what Daystar is doing, what do you wish everybody knew that you from your place of being a servant leader in this space for so long that you maybe knew know intuitively that most people don't.
Melissa Trevathan 46:16
Well again, my simplicity, I think that we complicate things so much, and I think that I would continue to encourage parents to play, to laugh, to smile and not to feel like they have to be so in control of their child. And I think play is a ministry in itself to your kids, and just that sense of enjoyment. And I think that, Oh, I could just go on. It's so hard to because I think about so many things, that's the first thing that just comes to my mind when I get in my car to leave, I will think of several more, but, but I think that that relational part of be is what is going to last with kids, is a relationship that's there. And would just say no in the midst of the hardness, enjoy play if you don't know be, if you don't know what to do, just be unpredictable and in a way that they can't always I think we wrote that. That that was one of the main things, I think I contributed to a book, is if they can predict what you're going to say or do they're going to dismiss you. So be a little unpredictable and surprise them some. And so that's that's really in a very general, simple way, is what I would say.
Spencer 48:00
I appreciate that answer a lot. And I also love that your vision is so rooted in your team, and that the answer to the legacy question could have been, you know, at Spencer, I wish we'd have 20 locations, or 50 locations, or that we'd have a presence nationwide, and that wasn't your answer at all. It was to say, I'm totally okay being in our little corner of Berryhill, and as long as the quality of what we put out there is exceptional and remains exceptional, being delivered by people that are called into the position, then you've left the fingerprint that you have wanted to leave, and you've spent so much of your time leaving because having walked through the front doors of Daystar, no one, the first time that they walk through, is coming in on a winning streak. You know, everybody is coming. And that message of softening that you give is something that for Carly and I, we have experienced it firsthand, and we know from seeing the families and hearing the stories that you do that consistency, consistently and with excellence. And so it is such a privilege to have you here today and to help provide not that there aren't a ton of people that already could sing day stars praises, but for those that haven't, you all provide a great model for what making a big Kingdom impact is all about. So thank you.
Melissa Trevathan 49:36
That means so much. You all are so encouraging, and I will pass your questions and your encouragement onto our staff, because I say I really don't know how to do anything. I just surround myself with those who do so that's my secret.
Spencer 50:00
So Melissa Trevathan with Daystar, what an amazing place.
Carli 50:06
So when we started this podcast, when I was able to come on, I was starting to tell the team, please, can we get someone from Daystar please? And Melissa, what a gift. I mean, she is the OG she started that she noticed a need for mental health care in Middle Tennessee, and started it almost 40 years ago. I mean, she really was ahead of her time, and it's easy to look like an overnight success. They're expanding and hiring, but she laid the groundwork for the last 40 years to be in the place when the need came. And I just think that speaks to her leadership and to what they do,
Spencer 50:44
Stories that we love, to celebrate female entrepreneurship, doing something in a space that is overcoming a stigma, and she's brought it now to it's mainstream and okay to Say. I need to talk to somebody, and I need some help here. And I think the approach in the design, for anyone that steps into Daystar, you really do notice the intentionality of everything inside is that it's all done with a spirit that is meant to serve. There's not a commercial element to it. And sometimes, as a business leader, when I see a business growing and then overflowing at the seams and they can't handle more people, the building is too small for how many people they could be serving. Yeah, you know, I just see like, you know, they should charge more, or they should dig a builder building, or they should hire more people. And that's just not her calling. Her calling is to serve with excellence a community that she understands really well. And I love the authenticity and the comfort in her own skin of saying, This is what we do, and we're going to do it really well.
Carli 52:05
I could be such a fan girl and just come up and be like, Oh, Daystar. Daystar. We're careful, between you and I, to kind of share pieces in our family of why we care about Daystar. And so we're always careful because, you know, our family, our kids, stories are their own to tell, but I think it's safe to say we've been through moments that we had never expected to go through with all of our kiddos, but maybe one in particular, and Daystar, When I felt the most out of my skin, not knowing what to do. Didn't know where to turn or who to talk to. They met me where I was at, and we talk about we said multiple times they give hope and a future. And that's a beautiful thing to say, but I can sit here and say like, in that moment, they gave me hope, and I didn't think there was any. And it's rare to find something that we didn't know when we started going there, we would ever have a podcast. We didn't know this, that or the other. We could have never given back to them, and they still would have given us that hope and served our kid. And so I think that's why I was just so excited to have her on today
Spencer 53:26
For me too, seeing someone that has devoted 40 years of their life to something is so culturally rare. I mean, career wise, we're taught that if you're anywhere for more than three to five years, you should be making moves, and yeah, you've got to be showing upward mobility and going to the place that you can be paid the most or the biggest influence. And so when we have the occasion, and we've had a couple of them now, to sit across from somebody that has dedicated 40 years of their life to something that is a mastery, that there is immense educational value to just be quiet and listen and say, teach me what you have learned in this space, because you will Forget more than I will ever know about that industry. And I think we really got some great conversations from her today that she's had to talk to a lot of parents that have come in with every story. And I think she's also really authentic and saying not everyone ends well, she's real. And I saw a lot of intentionality around it is that it wasn't, hey, this is going to be a happy ending at the end of the rainbow, like sometimes it ends in tragedy, hard, but she's there for that too, and you could tell she doesn't shy away. Me from those moments as well. She can serve in whatever comes her way, and she's assembled an amazing team to do that too.
Carli 55:10
I don't know what it is about today, but everyone's trying to look like an expert, right? Everyone's trying to tout their credentials and look like the person, the voice that you should listen to and there's something about Melissa. She was just like, I just had to keep it really simple so I'd remember it. And she let her service speak for itself, and that has elevated her. I would bet you, she has never once been like, you know what I want to do is going on a publicity tour for one of my books. Like, that's she wants to drive to hope town and start getting ready for next year's camp with her pup, right? And just that upside down way of the universe that the Lord has just wired it that those who serve stand above the rest. You.
